The “Pest “is beginning to affect me.
Friends, I have a confession. The “Pest” is beginning to affect me. I really don’t like the idea of needing to admit this, because I am a person who likes to create and see God minister. But to be the one affected by the “pest” was not on my radar.
This is not going affect me.
When this pest started, I wondered why this “stay at home” business affected me so differently. With my daily walks, I saw more people. Using “social distancing”, we chatted. Also, because “going slow” is my mantra, I enjoyed the morning birds’ concert and with my camera, I captured God’s beauty. So, I thought I was not affected by the pest.
Oh Really?
When the wind is bitter outside on an April spring day, something is not right. Locked doors deny alternative indoor walks. I may be an introvert, but I also enjoy a good hug. Social distancing online or talks six feet apart do allow for that. Plus I can’t go to my favorite coffee shop, just sit, enjoy my mocha, read or write, or just people watch. 😧
Thought to consider:
If I am to be free to worship as I am created, to live as God’s Poiema, my heart is personally saying, “Open up to what is happening to you emotionally and then you can reflect God in Spirit and in Truth. “
Am I not wanting to let it affect me?
Peter: 35 No! I won’t deny You. Even if that means I have to die with You!
And each of the disciples echoed Peter.
Matthew 26:35 Voice
Matthew 26:35 Voice
Peter declared to Jesus that he would be loyal to the very end, but when push came to shove, what happened? Because of fear, overcome with horror, and having no ability to think straight, these are the words that came out Peter’s mouth, “I don’t even know the man.”
It was after Peter realized his lack that he recognized he need. There was no doubt that Peter loved Jesus. Peter was fearless at Jesus arrest as well as going to Jerusalem after Jesus was taken. But, Jesus had deeper strength to offer. Therefore Peter needed to grieve what he did not have to receive the abundance that Jesus had to offer.
How I found out I was being affected.
We are still in the middle. Is there an underlying angst or pain you have refused to connect with? As an artist, are you being fair to yourself or others by not allowing yourself to walk into that arena and face the giant? Thanks again to my writer’s group leader, I have these questions to ask you. Get writing materials. Set the timer for at least ten minutes. More if you wish. Quiet yourself and ask:
- What am I grieving?
- What am I not allowing myself to grieve?
The Lord is gracious and compassionate. His desire is not to strike but to bring out what is inside so we are able to share His freedom with others. It is important to spend honest time for God’s input into life. If we don’t, the output through our art and life eventually will reflect starch, white, dry bones.
Yes, but it does affect me!
My grief is a deep emptiness. I wake up in the morning now wondering “Why do I feel like this?” But I cannot try to rationalize or fix..Just recognize those needs, come to God, and say “help”. This is being authentic. Allowing myself to feel His touch.
Yes, the “Pest” is affecting me. As I am honest in my feelings, it will be interesting to see where this adventure takes me.
As you answer these two questions do you find yourself just pouring out? Are you seeking to fill emptiness with other forms of emptiness? Or is this a middle where God is asking you to slow down and be still? Is this time for deeper contemplation to not only know about God but to know God?
The Pest is beginning to affect me.
Emotionally I am giving way to the reality that I am experiencing depression, but I also know I am not bound to its label. Yes, this pandemic is all around and has boundaries on certain activities, but what are my choices?
I admit to God my lack, my emptiness, my need, and then…
God fills my lack, my emptiness, and my need…
Take time for silence and solitude for deeper knowledge and love of God to:
;
Aides to help in “slowing down” for silence and solitude.
Visio Devino This is similar to the first two only using painted, drawn or camera art that will engage you with Jesus.
Books on the discipline containing information on silence and solitude:
Spiritual Disciplines Handbook
Invitation to Solitude and Silence
I have not read the last book, but am familiar with the author and the person who is writing the forward.
Be blessed on this new adventure. Where will you go in your creation as God’s Poiema?
This is so good! I love your vulnerability… I sat out in the sun/clouds this morning on a terrace looking out over the city and writing about the thoughts and feelings I’ve had the past few days. It was very therapeutic, and helped me center myself. At least for now…
Thank you. Being honest helps. We are a community needing to help and support each other.
[…] my recent post, remember how Peter from the New Testament was completely devastated after he denied Jesus. A solid […]